Stream of Consciousness, Crystal Renn and Plus-Size Models

Maybe I think too much; but then maybe I’m just frighteningly discerning. Perhaps I construct far too many grandiose illusions…or maybe it’s just that I think slightly ahead and replace reality with possibility.  These are the thoughts I have pondered the last few days. I know that if I bothered to take this up with most that know me, they would say I think too much; I dream inconceivable dreams. 

But the truth of the matter is…I know me best. I dream outside of reality, that’s for sure...but is reality truth? Is reality what truly is? Or is reality what we perceive it to be based on what we can see physically? Let me put it this way: If in "reality" John and Jane do not show any overtly outward signs of amorous affection, does that mean these affections do not exist? Ah…do you now see what I mean?

So sometimes I sense things that others might not, call it a woman’s intuition or whatever you like; and sometimes the things I sense excite me, even though they might not be obvious in reality. And sometimes…I allow my words and actions to be guided by these senses…only to find myself disappointed. Or even worse…I find that others are, perhaps, conscious of the fact certain things have aroused my radar and so draw away or deflect the natural course of things- naturally, I would assume, because of fear.

And the ramifications of this? I look a bit silly, as if I had miscalculated. As if I were wrong in the first place; as if I had wanted something so bad that I forced it to be reality even if it weren’t. I know that sometimes this has been the case. I simply misunderstood something. But other times, much of the time? I don’t think so. And maybe that sounds arrogant…that I could think I discern things correctly most of the time even when reality (simply what we can actually see) contradicts everything I think. But I’ve come to find that as we grow we become less filter-less and much of what comes through in reality is the revised version of what truly is.

So yeah, that’s kind of what’s been going on in my head lately.

Other than this…I’ve been learning a lot. A lot about worship and trusting God; but also a lot about holiness and what it means to be “Holy”. And holiness is such a complex concept for most people. But I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

This is random…but I am obsessed with Crystal Renn. I just want to look like her. I know that sounds somewhat shallow…but it’s the truth. She’s different, I suppose…refreshing. Normal yet striking; thick but not unhealthy looking. Everything I aspire to be (or rather look like) is found in this plus-sized model. 

 (she's the thick one on the right)...

and speaking of plus-size models. I LOVE these next few pictures...from V magazine, last year, I think....you can check the rest out here at Huff Post

 Ciao 4 now,

K.